Emotions And The"Why?" Ep 186 

Episode 186. Is it okay to talk about emotions and animals? Is it anthropomorphic to talk about emotions and animals? Where is the line, between what we see and the story that we build around what we see? And let's talk about emotions and what we observe this week. 

Find all show details, including transcripts, at CreatingGreatGroomingDogs.com You can find my online classes at Whole Pet Grooming Academy WholePetNH.com For more information about my Master Groomer Behavior Specialist diploma program, go to MasterGroomerBehaviorSpecialist.com

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[00:00:21 ] I am Chrissy Neumeier Smith. I'm a Master Groomer Behavior Specialist. I'm a Certified Professional Groomer, a Certified Behavior Consultant for Canines, a Certified Professional Dog Trainer. And I'm also the owner of Happy Critters in Nashua, New Hampshire, and an instructor at Whole Pet Grooming Academy.

[00:00:38 ] So this week we are talking about emotions. I had an entirely different topic started off this week, but it kept circling back to feelings and emotions. And I really wanted to delve into that a little bit deeper before we get into a topic that makes some assumptions that we would be on all on the same page.

[00:01:00 ] We're not going to be all on the same page. So I decided that I really needed to revisit this particular piece all on its own. We've talked about anthropomorphic before, , which is when we attribute human feelings and desires onto dogs or other animals without really thinking a little bit more basically, what is this animal trying to do?

[00:01:21 ] So we as humans talk about emotions and feelings, but let me ask you this. Let's consider this. Are we always correct when we try to figure out the why of another person? Oh. Do we always understand why another person is feeling the way they're feeling? , are we good with that? Do we always get it right?

[00:01:45 ] When we are interacting with another person using shared language, expressing thoughts and feelings, do we always get it right? Hmm, that's interesting, isn't it? do we? Another question. Are we always good at explaining the reason for our own emotions? Are we good at explaining the why of what we're feeling and how that's affecting the way that we're behaving today or yesterday or last week, right?

[00:02:16 ] Are we good at that? This answer is going to vary from person to person. Some people will be really good at that. , others are constantly trying to work on it. And some are blissfully unaware, but here's something to consider. Ask someone close to you. Ask, maybe it's a parent or a sibling or a spouse or a child.

[00:02:38 ] Ask someone really close to you. Maybe it's your best friend. Are you good at understanding their point of view when they're trying to explain something to you? Are you good at expressing your own point of view when you're trying to explain how you feel? What you're going to find is that most of us are not great at this.

[00:02:56 ] We're not very good at figuring out the why of emotions and expressing those emotions and figuring out why we behave the way we do. We observe behavior in the humans around us, but we don't always understand the why. So why are we talking about this? It probably seems a little off topic, doesn't it? But how does this relate to dogs?

[00:03:21 ] Yeah, but you thought I was getting off track here. Um, the way it relates to dogs is we observe behavior. We see what the dog is doing with their body, but do we always understand why they are doing it? Do we understand the feelings, the emotions being expressed through that behavior? We see the behavior, what is observable to us, but how many of us can correctly guess why the dog is doing it?

[00:03:51 ] It's not easy. It's not easy. And as we just discussed, even amongst other humans, when we are trying to figure out what another human feels, what another human thinks, and they're literally trying to tell us, We're not good at it, it takes a lot of understanding of humans and of dogs to be able to figure out why a behavior is happening.

[00:04:16 ] So, maybe it's not so easy. Maybe this takes a ton of time and takes a ton of effort and we aren't used to thinking about it that way. , I will say there was a point in my career when I would have described looking at dogs and what they're doing as I have a feeling about why he's doing it. I have a feeling about why he's doing it.

[00:04:38 ] All right. I think many of us do that. I have a feeling. But here's the thing I was watching what the dog was doing. And now that I've really been training my eye to watch what they're doing and think about what they're responding to. Now I realized that I didn't have a feeling. I was noticing things in the environment, noticing things about a dog and what they were doing and maybe making correct assumptions, right?

[00:05:07 ] Or making assumptions and maybe they were incorrect assumptions. But that's the tricky part. We're observing body language. We're watching. We're listening. Sometimes we're smelling, right? Anal gland smell. Oh, that's a definite signal. That's not a happy moment most of the time if they spray their anal glands.

[00:05:28 ] But you think about all of those things that we observe, but are we good at understanding why? And we're not really good at it, even with other human beings that we talk to that are literally trying to tell us. Well, the dog is literally trying to tell us also. Now I want you to think about we're viewing what the dog is doing, and we're trying to guess at why they're doing it.

[00:05:55 ] And I want you to start thinking about gathering clues. Gathering clues about the behavior before we make assumptions about how a dog feels before we start jumping into, I think this is going on or this is going on. This dog is an individual just like we are. And we have to think about what is this dog responding to?

[00:06:15 ] What is happening in that moment? , and what kind of emotions might this dog be having based on what is happening? Okay. Dogs have emotions. I think we can all observe a dog who is scared, a dog who is fearful, a dog who is happy. Come on. We know they have emotions. The problem comes in when we try to, make our stories around what we think that emotion is caused by.

[00:06:47 ] That's where anthropomorphism comes in is when we're trying to say, well, he's happy , and that isn't always a bad thing. He's happy because we do need to kind of ask that question. The problem is, is if we're not on target, if we're trying to say, well, he did this because, or he did that because, then that's where the emotion part can become really kind of a blurred line.

[00:07:14 ] , and while they have emotions. And , I think that we can all agree if you've worked with dogs, you've seen a variety of emotions we respond to different emotions differently. So there is some worry when we think a dog is, let's say, angry at us. How are we going to respond to that animal? We're probably going to be defensive, right?

[00:07:40 ] How do we respond to other humans when we think they're angry at us? Right? Um, now if we respond to a dog thinking he seems stressed, then it becomes clearer that we are going to try to help them calm down. I'm going to give some examples here. I know I'm always giving examples and I feel like I'm spending my whole life saying I'm going to give some examples here.

[00:08:04 ] , a human customer comes into your office and she is upset. Always understand why. Maybe we think that person is mean, that person is cranky, that person is, let's see, what other terms might we use? Some of the terms get really mean, right? But are we really good at noticing that this person is running late for something?

[00:08:29 ] , is very, very stressed out, , is confused. Maybe they're really confused, but I do brush him. I don't understand what you're talking about. Now they're being defensive and you're being defensive and it all falls apart. Customer service stuff is also about thinking about the other side of the story, the why, why.

[00:08:52 ] Is this customer having difficulty today? Like I said, it is not cut and dry. This is not easy for most of us to get a good read on why a behavior is happening and what emotions they are around it. So when we look at that customer, , maybe we're looking at her thinking she is really cranky. She is really mean. And is that really the motivation? Is she just a cranky person? That could be true. Okay. I think we know there are a lot of people out there who are just playing cranky, but why, why? I love people. I know a lot of groomers don't.

[00:09:33 ] , I see those cranky people and they often become my really good customers. Cause I think about why I think about why the cranky, , what is this person responding to? And that's what we need to do with our dogs. If we see something that we interpret as an emotion, step back for a minute and instead think, what is this dog responding to?

[00:09:54 ] And why, why is this happening? Because if we assume that a dog is angry, Or we start making big stories, that can really lead us down a path that doesn't make any sense. And next thing you know, you and the dog are in conflict of some sort when it didn't need to be. So in the next part, we are going to talk about where communication can really go wrong.

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[00:10:38 ] Well, since I started doing transcripts, you can find full transcripts.